Pooting
Queefing
Tooting
Farting.
During Sex. It happens. Well Sarah said it never happened to her but whatever. I will let her fly on this one because it totally happens. She is just in denial or maybe she is not a gassy person.
So this is a mini snippet of our lives- Actually Let me set the scene
- Wilson is slightly freaking out but not ripping his bed apart
- Jeff (The Cat, not the person) is laying on one of my arms and purring super loudly
- Tyler has to pee
- I have to get in the shower in 4 minutes because otherwise I will not get out of the house in time to be on time for work.
So all this is going on while we are doing it – I fart, TWICE. One was like a good old Honk, the other was just a small followup to the Honk. I laughed. Ty stops. Ty Laughs. I say “Sorry, I farted”. He responses “I know, its okay”. I say “Im sorry, I hope that doesn’t change your mindset”. He says ” Its okay, I really dont care”. I said “does that turn you on” and Ty says “It didnt turn me off. I am neutral”. We continue on. I was in my office parking lot at 7:54am.
Now, if this was us 5 years ago… TABOO. The first time I ever farted in front of Ty was totally by accident and surprise. We have a cat together, Pepper. When Pepper wants to be pet, she jumps up on the couch, faces away from you and literally wiggles… its like screaming pet me… I kinda do the same. I usually am sitting on the couch, hunch forward and wiggle. I dont know if I got that from Pepper or if Pepper got that from me. So I lean over and wiggle and Ty starts rubbing my back. And then it happened. I was in the perfect position to let one rip and I did. So I spring up and go “i farted” and he says I know and he starts laughing and I turn beat red. From that point forward, farting has been A-OKAY in our relationship.
The farting during sex has only started recently. Like the last two years or so. I dont know why, maybe Age has to do with it. Or maybe I am just more comfortable with him and relaxed. But I fart during sex. Not often but I do when I have alittle extra bloat or air in my tummy. And this is a legit fart, not a queef. Queefing happens, Air gets in there and it just releases. Sorry. It happens.
I usually can regulate my farts during sex. Usually they are just little poofs. Little Whispers in the night if you will. But the other day it was a HONK and a half. It was the morning, I guess all my gas did not release in the night (Did you know the average American farts 14 times a day).
I figure that since we have the next zillion years of marriage together, farting is going to happen. I am waiting for him to fart during sex. He hasnt, but he sure does fart alot.
And part of me… hopes, that the day we conceive, I fart. You need alittle levity. And I would love to start my child’s life off laughing 🙂
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