Acupuncture Update

I totally did not update you guys on Acupuncture the last two times I went, but nothing has changed. Scott is working solely on my back, no longer on my stomach. The back points are to help relax, resolve blood statsis (in my liver) as well as to promote blood flow. Here is a great website to show you the points that he is working on.

The last two acupuncture sessions  I have been kind of half there and half on my own planet. I have noticed that since mid December I am tight. Tight in my posture, tight in my breathing, just Tight. I think I am stressed about the idea of infertility and my body is outwardly projecting it. I have noticed even during yoga, my breath is not as full as it should be. It makes me upset but I cannot seem to let go of the idea that getting pregnant is just not working for us and may not work for us.

Last night’s session was amazing. Before the session I left work early to pick up some sunglasses that I broke earlier in December. I had about thirty minutes to kill before seeing Scott so I read my book in the parking lot. I think not having to hurry from work to an appointment (while listening to the radio and dealing with traffic) allowed me to relax and focus on me. I fell deep asleep on my stomach, with my head in the annoying always leaves lines u-shaped thing, to the point where I started snoring and woke myself up several times. Before Scott treated my points, he took my heartbeat as normal and also felt my stomach as normal. He didnt ask if I felt any pressure or pain, so I am assuming he felt no types of blockage or enlargements in my organs. He did mention again that my body treats being pregnant, whether a baby is born or lost, as pregnant… so for 9 months after my ectopic, my body was still going through the emotional/spiritual motions and for about a year after that my body was “healing”. Part of me wanted to scream “well its be two solid years so what the hell is the problem”, but that would be impolite.  I also thought about all the late periods, heavier bleeding then normal periods and thought “CRAP, chemical pregnancies…” so my body has alot of healing to do according to TCM.

We scheduled our next appointment for Thursday at 5:00pm and he instructed me to stay warm (not just because it is super cold out but to help implantation) as well as to eat Yams and foods high in Zinc. I left feeling better, whole, rested and warm (internally).  My pills (the Women’s Tea Tree Pills) have been out of stock, part of me is screaming “I NEED THEM WHAT HAPPENS WITHOUT THEM!?!?!?!?” but Scott has reassured me that my body can do this, will do this.

I have gotten a few more questions via Facebook about Acupuncture and if I believe it works.  I do believe it works, I feel like a completely different person from when I started back in October. I feel clear, balanced, level internally and it gives me a chance during the week to stop and regroup. I believe that you need to go in their with an open heart and mind and know that whatever you may be seeking acupuncture for may not be cured immediately and that sometimes aiding the body in one aspect can uncover another underlying condition. I think finding someone you are comfortable with is a key too. Scott and I had an instant rapport. I answered his questionnaire with more information then he probably needed and I provide him with weekly updates to that we can all be on the same page.

Here is an example of a weekly update:

Hello and Happy New Year!

So this month, no positive ovulation kit but according to my chart, I
ovulated somewhere on the 31st. I didnt notice anything cramp or
physically on the 31st or at any point this month so we can just go
with what the chart says. I did have a darker than normal read out on
the 31st at 2pm but when I tested again at 7:00pm nothing. I have been
doing 4 tests per day, because really, I cant get enough of peeing on
things. I was doing the digital tests at 9:00am and then at 7:00pm and
the bulk strip tests at 2:00pm and 10:00pm (estimated times obviously
because I cannot pee on cue). I thought I would have all the bases
covered but I guess I missed ovulation. I have been checking my
cervix, which if you ever asked me 6 months ago if I thought about
checking my cervix, I would have said hell no… but so I am checking
it and its been pretty high, open and soft which is what happens
during ovulation. Who knew your cervix was a wealth of womanly
information?

Energy level has been high, no tiredness/lagging all good things. I
have been getting a good amount of sleep and sleeping very well.
Pooping has been going pretty regular. Emotionally I have been okay.
Good positive attitude, ready to have a great 2013.I did cry a bit on
new years day because I thought I would be pregnant by now, or at
least that was my plan, and you know what they say, life happens while
you are too busy making plans, so that is water under the bridge and
we continue to move forward and timelines are silly anyway.  So had a
cry, let the emotions come, and then moved on and watched an episode
of Downton Abbey. We have been doing yoga pretty much every other day
which is awesome. Eating very well, much more balanced now that the
holidays are over. I have been resting after sex. Drinking warm things
because it is really epicically cold and I could not even imagine
drinking a glass of water with ice in right now since my nose hairs
froze this morning.

Ty has been doing his exercises and I do actually notice a difference
in, how do I put this in a lady like fashion without being totally
gross, notice a difference in his “amount”. Which cant hurt right?

So yeah, that’s that. See you at 3:30 today!

Scott tells me the weekly emails are very helpful, it helps him plan where he wants to work on me as well as it gives him an idea of where I am with my cycle. Of course if someone is seeking acupuncture for pain management or emotional well being it may be alittle bit different. Scott has alot of patients that see him for pain management. I see them come and go and more often then not they always tell him how much better they feel / quicker they are healing. I swear by acupuncture at this point, even though the expense is starting to hurt our wallets. I even think my weekly appointments are better than a massage. ‘

Hope this post was helpful!!! 🙂

Trying to take a different approach

So this month, I am going to calm the fuck down.

 

No really. I need to. I think I have annoyed Tyler enough. I am pretty sure he is so not excited to have sex with me towards the end of the month. And to be honest, last month, it became a chore for both of us.

That’s not fair to either one of us… and that’s not fair to our future child, I mean, I want to know that the day we conceived our kid, we went balls to the walls and had a good night.

So I am going to try to do the following this month daily:

• Morning – Wake Up and Take my Temperature and then Pee on the Ovulation Kit Stick
• Leave the ovulation kit alone. Try Not to carry the stick with me throughout the day. No, I don’t physically carry the stick with me but I do think about it. Obsesses about it.
• Evening – Enjoy my drive home. Workout. Eat a great dinner. Laugh with my husband. And do it when it tickles our fancy.

Of course, closer to the 22nd to the 27th… We will try to up our alone time in the bedroom but we are not going to go through the motions just because. Maybe I will turn to Cosmo to provide me with some Mind Blowing tips.

This weekend I was talking to someone that tried religiously for their first child and it happened after 6 months of trying. When she said six months, I realized, I am half way to that point…. I can stick it out another three months. And she is actually pregnant again with her second. Ty maybe was right… you have one and then the flood gates just open.

I realized while talking with her that things happen the way they are supposed to. Maybe we are not supposed to have a child for 6 more years… and if that is the case, we will deal with it. But I cannot spend 6 years torturing myself or Tyler. Its unfair and its not healthy for our marriage.

I need to accept the things I cannot control… and this is one of them

Can someone remind me of this come November 4th-ish because I know I will be climbing the walls to see if my Period is coming…

Stick a needle in me and call me francis Part 1

I have no idea where I got that title from…

So This post is about Acupuncture. I wrote this blog in two parts… I will put my Acupuncture experience first and my beforehand thoughts last… why out of order? Because  I want to be all JJ Abrams like and story tell out of order.

The Appointment:
When I first went into the office I thought “Smells like weed” No Lie. But I was like “Mariann give it a chance”. Then I met Scott and I was at ease. He reminds me of a friends older brother (Looking at you Joe Mason). Not just in looks but in mannerisms and the way he talks. We went over my 5 page history, which he said was really helpful, and he asked me to do one thing starting at that moment… Be In THIS Moment. He told me that he could tell that alot of my anxiety was coming from thinking about the past and the future. He said rightfully so though but in order to make this work, I had to promise to be in the now.

We went over my charts and temperatures. He asked me for a copy of my temperatures and I told him I would send that over to him when I got home. He said my temperatures show a low functioning organ.

He told me that my late period would come tomorrow. I was like Im glad you are so sure. He was like be in the now. Damn you Scott, Damn you!

He felt my stomach and asked if there was any pain or pressure or odd feelings then he said he would start by working . I turned over and he inserted needles on the side of my spine both right and left and told me that it was now my time to be in the now. He asked me to relax, shut down and think about the how my body is feeling and reacting. The needles did not hurt at all. And they were not noticeable. Scott left the room and I tried to be in the now.

After about a minute or two of singing “Moves like Jagger” in my head, I decided to focus. I started thinking about my body and naming my body parts. Feet, Calves, Knees, Elbows, Eyes and then it happened. My arms started to feel light, although weightless and then I had a slight pinch where the first needle was and my right arm was the heaviest arm in the world. It was surprising. Then the pain went away, arm was light again. This repeated for a bit and I just told myself to be open.

Scott came back in, removed the needles and asked me to get dressed. When he came back he had a list of things that I could do to improve some of my body functions. He thinks that my liver is functioning at alittle less than ideal. He thinks the blood flow and process in the liver could be inhibiting us conceiving.
He expressed that he was excited and thought that this would only take a few times before I call him to tell him I am pregnant.  He repeated what Ty has said “At Least we know you can get pregnant” and told me to start making small changes in my diet and we would do more work next week.

**** The Liver is consiered the General. It is not only responsibile for storing blood but also essential in ovulation, conception and fertility. It is responsible for the circulation of Qi. I apparently have poor Qi circulation 🙂 ****

I left feeling relieved. I guess it was because I know I am often closed both emotionally and physically. Also he said that the wait and see approach doesnt always work because you build up so much anxiety. He told me to continue charting, doing an OPK and writing down how I feel.

He also said that I need to remember before bed to think about three things I am happy for within the day.  Scott and Tyler probably talked about that before hand, because Ty has harped on me about doing that.

So, that weed smell – apparently is some herb that is used in pain management. I was like um… Weed is used in pain management but whatever 🙂 Scott laughed.

I left feeling hopeful and ready to make some changes. Milk Thistle Tea… Zinc… Here I come 🙂

Oh – And I got my period this morning. I am glad. Here’s to a new month. New Hope. New Beginnings!

First Part, Before my Appointment:

My appointment is at 6:30pm in Essex. This makes for a bad commute home. I already drive 44 miles to and from work each way. Essex is close to my house but still out of the way. If I leave work at 4:30, like I am supposed to, I would be in essex by like 5:20 at the latest leaving me time to kill. Of course, I can go to the CVS and use my extra bucks to buy foundation that I dont need but whatever. I thought about staying at work til 5:00pm but there is just not enough work to justify it so… Ill be super early for my appointment.  This whole idea of when to leave and should I stop home first has been eating at me all week. Literally freaking me out all week. I think its displaced anxiety.

I turn to go ogle and see that most first appointments involve history, expectations etc… So I thought, HISTORY? I can write that all down so I wont omit anything.

I spent time writing down 5 pages about my health (jotting down car accidents, a bad period in 2005, dental work in 2010/2011, my ectopic pregnancy in 2010, UTIs, Eating Habits,  etc). I also wrote about random aches and pains, family history, what I hope to get out of this (Pregnant by January IF possible) and what I need to find internally to help myself from going insane. I scanned, in color, those lovely five pages over to Scott. I am sure he is THRILLED.  I will also bring the originals to him. I hope he is not turned off by my overly enthusiastic willingness to get this show on the road.

I also put out a feeler on Facebook and people responded with Drink Water before Hand, May be sleepy afterwards, that it may take awhile to see results but stick with it. I make mental notes and stow them in my brain.

I think about requesting NOT putting on Spa like music. I HATE RAMBLING BROOKS AND WATERFALLS. I DESPISE CHANTING. AND IF I HEAR A BIRD CHIRP INDOORS IT FUCKS WITH MY IDEA OF WHAT SHOULD BE INSIDE AND WHAT SHOULD BE OUTSIDE.

I much rather have silence or 80s Phil Collins or Hall & Oats. I can relax when someone is talking though, maybe he will just talk the entire time. I hope he is not a nose breather with alot of nose hairs. Come on you know what I am talking about… you go to get a massage or a facial or something and all you here is whistling or russling of stray hairs and heavy breaths. Im being too critical right?

I had a religion teacher in High School that would do mediation with us and I would end up drooling as the end of period bell rang and it takes alot for me to fall asleep randomly, let alone fully relax but Miss C did it for me. Actually strike that, little known fact, If you put something on my head, like a hat or a blanket, I will fall asleep within 10 minutes. Don’t know why but I need my head covered to sleep.

My mind is on overdrive right now.  But I guess its better than trying to figure out if I really did ovulate in September, If I could possibly be pregnant right now even though I am not turning a test and looking at photos of peoples pregnancy tests 15Dpo’s and killing myself inside like I normally do.

Please note that I did not have any caffeine today even though it seems like I am bouncing off the walls.

CVS Goals:

• Magic Lumi Foundation (update, I bought, LOVE IT)
• Halloween Cards (forgot)
• Maybe some fun flash eyelashes just because (forgot)
• Still deciding if I should take the plunge on buying the CoQ-10 even though its expensive and maybe Steve will suggest some other things. (didn’t bother… i ended up buying primer, water, Good Housekeeping, Lip Balm)

Fears:

• Scott thinks I am nuts (he doesnt and he puts me at ease)
• What if Scott can like tell I will never get pregnant, is that possible? (dispelled)
• Maybe I will be so relaxed, Ill let out alittle toot and it will totally smell (totally farted while Scott was out of the room. I told Scott that my feet would probably smell since I was wearing heels all day, he thanked me for the heads up but said he never really notices unless there is a really strong odor which then he would try to adjust through inserting needles at various points of the body)
• Enya will be playing (it was peaceful thank god!)
• Scott is a hairy nose breather (not at all)