Tag Archives: Pregnancy

2/28/2013

18 Apr

It would have been super helpful that if they told me after my ultrasound that I may have some spotting… because I totally freaked out.

I saw the spotting, it was grayish/brown/maroon and literally grabbed my phone and headed to LMs office. I know her office is safe from ears and I can use it as a safe space πŸ™‚ So I go over there and ask her what to do… she told me that she believes that spotting after an vaginal ultrasound is pretty normal but I decided to call. So I call, and I have a message, of course, for the Triage nurse. I tried to call Ty… he didnt answer so I text him. Then the nurse calls back and tells me it is normal and if the spotting is bright red, then I need to be concerned… I tell the nurse I love her…. I hug LM and the ordeal is done…

Totally would have been helpful to know.

Acupuncutre Update – But Still taking a break from Blogging til New Years

16 Dec

I thought about this long and hard and decided that I will continue with my Acupuncture updates because people seem to be interested in them. I often get facebook questions regarding my experience and if I believe Acupuncture is helping me. So, I decided I will blog only about my Acupuncture til the New Year and then resume CrazyCatLadyWantsBaby as normal.

 

To answer the question I get the most is do I believe Acupuncture works… Yes. 100% Yes. Now, Acupuncture is what you want it to be, if you go in there thinking that it wont work, you probably will not get all the benefits out of it. If you go in looking for a new experience and an open mind and heart, you will get alot more. During my cold and my dislocated shoulder episodes, the points Scott used to help treat those aliments definitely improved my condition. Acupuncture seeks to resolve issues within the body to relieve the feelings that body is outwardly producing. Everything on the outside speaking to you has an inner voice that is controlling it. As For Acupuncture for Fertility, I believe it is working. My Body is very different then it was two months ago. TMI Moment, I poop like a dude regularly, I am no longer bloated or gassy (which would be from ovulation to the end of my period), my skin has improved (less break outs), my energy level is high and does not have dips through out the day and my nails are super strong. I feel balanced, I feel more in control and I feel more present daily. I hope that if you do try acupuncture, you find similar benefits.

 

Some people may question its ability to help with trying to conceive, and although, I am not currently pregnant, I know I will be one day and I know that Scott will be a big reason why.

 

Last night was acupunctureΒ  at 6:00pm before a holiday party. To say that I wasn’t all there would be a gross exaggeration because I am 90% preoccupied with the party. I think it was a good thing for me to get out and think about something other than trying to get pregnant or the remodel on the house. But I should have devoted more time to “me” than I allowed myself last night. Scott treated my back again, mostly using points along the side of my spine.

 

He worked on UB42 which is the call to the unborn child which helps resolve sadness and grief. It also is the connection of the physical body to the soul, and after this last week, I needed to find that connection again. He also worked on UB17 which helps aid in blood stasis and stops abnormal bleeding while cooling hot conditions. I never thought I would have a hot condition in my life considering my cold hands and feet but apparently I do. I think When he put the needles into those two points, I definitely felt a sharp 2 second twinge. I think Scott worked something out with those two needles. He also treated UB23 which helps tonify the Kidney as well as UB31. UB31 is a very interesting point for me. Last week there was a very definite visible pain and recoil in my body when Scott put the needle in me. This week, there was pain and burning for about 5 seconds. This point is supposed to resolve any infertility issues and aid in the blood flow to the pelvis. Why this was so interesting to me was that midway though my session, my stomach became very heavy. As if it there was a hole in the table where my stomach was and my stomach was just hanging. It was heavy but not uncomfortable. I also got an odd Tennis Ball type feeling in my right lower hip area, which Is the area I believe my pregnancy was in before. It felt like someone slipped a tennis ball under my body on the table and it was just hanging out. I actually hand to reach my hand under my hip to make sure that something wasn’t there. The stomach and the hip sensation resolved themselves by the end of the session and I walked away only with massage table face. I told Scott of the stomach feeling and he said that “You sound pregnant”… I said “Sadly No but…” And then Scott said “You will be, soon, and it will last, your body is getting stronger”.

Scott and I made an appointment for next Friday and we are continuing with the women’s tea tree pills, milk thistle and prenatal vitamins. Scott is aware of my appointment in January and he actually said he is interested in what they are going to say/do. He talked with me about how after an HSG most women become pregnant within the next month because the liquid helped remove any blockage. I am hoping that Jennie orders a blood test, semen analysis and an HSG. I already have about 4 pages of notes regarding our TTC journey as well as my charts all printed. Until then, We are both keeping our head in the game and trying to relax. Scott and I have a very nice relationship, I was afraid that he would think that I didn’t believe in what he was doing when I told him about the appointment. He was supportive and wants to be involved. I want him to be involved. Its a good relationship.

 

Until next Saturday when I blog about my Acupuncture – everyone have a great week and for all of you that have gotten your Positive Test, Congratulations. That is an awesome way to start the New Year.

 

acupuncture Update #8 – Wow Two Months Already?

23 Nov

Wednesday was a fun day for me… I had the Chiro and Scott back to back which makes for a very relaxed Mariann. At The Chiro, Erin, did some more adjustments and alignments to get my left shoulder/collar-bone back to where it should be and then she noted that my sacrum is alittle “special”. She said that its not aligned and kind of twisted all over. She indicated that this wont hurt in TTC land but it will have some major issues in Once Pregnant and in Giving Birth Land (as in very difficult if at all possible vaginal birth). So she worked on that alittle and said in time, it will be fixed but not to worry about that now. I was given homework of Planks, Leaning with one arm against the wall and dropping my head left to right with some weight (my hand). All things I can do πŸ™‚

 

When I got to Scott he asked me how I was doing and wanted to focus on keeping warmth in my body. As he took my pulse he aked if Tyler would come in, not for a treatment but for general guidance and some exercises that can help his boys move. I said Ty would be up for that, without consulting him, because I mean after the Thin V. Pregnant discussion, I knew he owed me. Scott has been focusing on point in my stomach to assist with Liver function and Kidney purification. He also put needles in my inner ankle of each leg. As I laid there I could feel hot points in the needles every so often, minus my left ankle (That dude was asleep at the wheel I think). I couldn’t settle my mind at all. I think I did drift off but I was still running around in my own head. Nothing special though, just random thoughts, and none of them pertained to TTC. I did tell Scott that the last two days prior to acupuncture my body has been totally energized. Which is very true. I am able to wake up, get going and not feel tired or slow. I do normally hit a mid day (on the weekends) slump around 2pm but I think thats because I am slightly overwhelmed with the house remodel and during the week my stopping point is 9:30pm. He was happy to hear the energy level has been up, he takes that as a sign that the TeaTree Pills are working. I also told him that I can see CM alot more clearly. I think in the last couple of cycles I have been not producing enough to see any signs of it but I certainly am now… which is wonderful but also very dampening in the pants.

 

We scheduled our next appointment for Friday(November 30th) at 4:30… I think I am going to take Friday off, its right around the time I should see Ovulation, so it would be nice to have a day with Tyler to just Be. When I got in the car and asked, well really told him, to come with me at 4:30 on Friday so Scott could talk to him, he agreed, hesitated by agreed. I am interested to see what Scott says to him and happy that Ty agreed to go. Everything we can do to help our situation can only move us further in the right direction.

 

On Thanksgiving, I did a no no and had two drinks. I thought I should celebrate, also show the family I was not pregnant so please dont ask, and our horoscopes said to grab some wine and have alone time. I thought those were all valid points and decided to go with it, I did drink plenty of water to flush my system out. Today, the day after thanksgiving,while Ty works on the roof, I thought I would finish reading my TCM infertility book… well surprise surprise, the book is missing about 20 pages… 20 good pages on acupressure and breathing! WTF!!!

 

 

I take that as a sign that I should go back to reading Walking Dead and take my mind off of fertility for awhile πŸ™‚ OR go shopping, but I can get Ty to come with me… Apparently it would be very bad if it starts to rain and we have no roof on the kitchen addition. Who knew? πŸ™‚

Oh Amazon Prime!!!! I love you

15 Nov

So in my quest to become more likely to get pregnant this month – cause you know, every month we dont get a positive we revisit what we could have done better (timing, I swear, we needed to do it on the 27th), what was completely silly to do(this cycle, nothing too crazy) and what we think we should do next… I bought this book from Amazon for like $7.00 and I got free two day shipping because Ty is a prime member…

I thought what the hell? I mean… it cant hurt. I read the first few pages and this chick sounds like me… she had me at “putting a pillow under my hips” and “everyone seems to get accidentally pregnant” while TTC. So after my acupuncture tonight this little jem will be waiting for me. I will have to put my graphic novel of “Walking Dead” aside and bury my nose in this. The reason I bought this was I was slowly dying looking at my fertility friend chart realizing that I am fertile the last week of this month and probably wont ovulate until the beginning of December. HELLO – This is like FOREVER from now. I know with the Thanksgiving holiday around the corner things will go fast but still… it seems like forever.

Originally when I started this journey I was worried about people knowing I was pregnant too soon… now that this is month 4… I am worried that people are going “what is wrong with her?” behind my back because nothing is happening in the baby department. I know its silly to even think that people care or notice but I wonder.

I also have been toying with the idea of calling the Ob/gyn mid-december for a January appointment. I want to get in there and show her my charts… none of this waiting a year shit. I am sorry. My brain and my heart will literally explode with this monthly division of waiting to do it and then waiting to pee on it… I am going to run it by Tyler one more time because I know we are jumping the gun but I think I am the only person that is concerned I was ectopic before and maybe that is hinting at a larger problem. Ty tried to get a SA but his doctor refused to call one in… Then the hospital said without a referral they really rather not see him – even if he paid cash. WTF people… some people are impatient mother fuckers… if I want to spend $214.00 out of pocket let my man make love to a cup.

So fingers crossed for acupuncture tonight, some good reading for later tonight and some good karma for all this month πŸ™‚

Happy 6 Month Anniversary to Us

14 Nov

Monday, November the 12th was our six month anniversary. We decided that we would take time out from working on the house (we are doing a major kitchen remodel, Ill post photos soon).Β  We booked a hotel stay at the Stowe Mountain Lodge for Sunday night into Monday morning. We stayed there the night of wedding day. We thought getting away from the house would be a nice way to restore our relationship.

On Sunday we got up and did work on the house, Tys Mom and I mixed and poured concrete into the Sonotubes for our kitchen addition. I decided to give the Softcup a try for its intended use. I lasted about 20 minutes and had to take it out. I think I need a petite softcup or something because that thing just slides out of place for me when it comes to catching my period. It was horrible… also I was pretty heavy that day so maybe I need to use it on lighter days until I get the hang of it.

Around 12:30, I got ready and we left out house around 1:45ish. We discussed Anniversary sex and thought that maybe that night was not the best night since It was a scene from Carrie in my underpants. We had a lovely drive to Stowe, stopped and got Cider Donuts and Fudge and decided that as soon as we checked in, we would hit the hot tub. The hot tube was great, it made my shoulder feel great too… then I got out and toweled off.. UT-FUCKING-OH… a slight color of brown on my towel.. my tampon was fully soaked. Operation get to the room ASAP was in affect. Tyler was beyond grossed out… and I was alittle perplexed considering I put a new tampon in at literally 1:45 when we left and it was only 4:10 when we got in the hot tub. Like I said CARRIE.

After we washed up, I replugged and got all situated we went to dinner at Picasso for pizza. We had a blast. We came back to the hotel hoping for this amazing desert of salted vanilla ice cream with caramel sauce… trust me, its to die for but they no longer offered it. We had a Vermont Blueberry Cheesecake Compote instead and headed to our room to watch “Walking Dead”. Which is a totally highlight since we do not have cable.

No Anniversary sex since everything was flowing down there but we made some time for fun. In the morning, I hoped to go back to the pool, but since it was so nice, we drove home early and did more work on the house. Well, I didn’t work on the house… I had a headache, I don’t think it was a hangover (Two glasses of red and an irish cofee later) because it was about 6 hours after I woke up but I am not sure. We had an early dinner and I went to bed around 8pm. I had the intentions to get back up after 30 minutes but I couldn’t, my head hurt too much.

Funny thing was… around 5pm I went to change my tampon and I forgot to put anything back in… not even a light day panty liner. I doubled checked before bed and I was clean as a whistle. I decided to throw on one of those humungous night time pads with 6 pairs of wings on them… this morning, NOTHING. Dry as a bone.

Why does my period appear with hurricane force and then disappear two days later only to then reappear as a light drizzle? I think I am going to start my 8 pills, 3 times daily tomorrow… Fingers crossed for a good cycle this month. Hopefully THE cycle.

The Weight Debate

9 Nov

I believe for the 7th time thus far in the last three months I have been called painfully thin which is then linked to “maybe that’s why you are not pregnant yet”.

First and foremost – Dont ever offer a reason as to why I am not pregnant yet unless you are my doctor, obgyn or other health professional. Actually strike that, my doctor during my physical mentioned my weight and then started a conversation about fertility… He didnt directly link it but I think he was hinting at it. Or maybe I am imagining it. He didnt say I need to gain weight but he told me I am on the “lower side” of my healthy weight.

Second of all – Painfully thin – I am not painfully thin. I may look thin but I do have some junk in the trunk, padding for the pushing and wobbly bits. I said bits, not tits… my Tits are perky little monsters that I love.

Third of all – I dont comment about your weight and your ability or inability to do something. EVER.

I am a moderately actively person. I like to work out because it helps my mind and gives me a sense of peace. When I am unable to do anything, even a few push ups… It makes me go mad. Ever since my shoulder injury I have stopped my yoga and turned to running for about 10-15 minutes a day.

I am also a picky person when it comes to food. I always have been. My diet though is balanced and varied.

So all this combined, I have put on weight but my body naturally wants to hover around where I am at currently. I was my heaviest in college (werent we all?) and leveled out in my mid twenties. I know your body, hormones and life changes in your thirties so I expect to put on more weight but who I am as a person I cannot change.

I have read about being too thin or too over weight in regards to fertility and I think its really more about where your body wants to be naturally and if you are fighting it or not. I know people who have 5% body fat that have 6 kids. I know people who are categorized as overweight that are popping them out. Each one of them eats what they want to eat and exercises. I believe they are at their natural weight, no matter how someone classifies them.

Many people have weight issues. Commenting on someone either as a compliment or as a jab should never been in the form of weight. Weight is an issue that has so many factors that you could never know unless you were their own personal doctor.

I guess I can put this one under stupid things people say but dont realize how hurtful they can be. It is hurtful because there is nothing I rather do than have a child and I am trying my best to do everything in my power to have one. I cannot go out and inhale donuts (although I heart Dunkin Donuts just released Red Velvet Cupcake Donuts, I will be having one of them in the future) and magically I will turn a test positive. It doesn’t work that way.

Trying to keep up with the Jones

7 Nov

Well, not exactly but I am trying to keep up with someone… my imaginary pregnant self.

Every morning at 5:50am I wake up, shut off my alarm, reach for my thermonitor… wait for the three beeps… grab my phone and enter my temperature in my fertilityfriend.com app. Then I proceed to stare at my chart for ten minutes, with one eye closed, under the covers as not to wake Tyler with the light from my phone and I ponder.

I then go about my day until work starts to settle a bit and then I start to wonder some more… I turn to the fertilityfriend.com chart comparison and try to find charts that look like mine and are deemed pregnant. I try to compare my temperatures… my symptoms… everything but I get nothing. I cant see any correlation. Am I looking too hard, do I not know what I am reading?

As I go through my symptoms versus others, I see everyone has sore boobs… sadly mine are not. I believe I cant be pregnant this month.Was my nose bleed a real nose bleed or was it just because I was picking my nose when no one was watching? Was my gas due to pregnancy or due to the chinese food I ate last night?

I look for people X days past ovulation with positive tests and sneer at the people who are 7 days past with a positive test… Why is that not me? I then find comfort that most people are in the 11 to 14 days past ovulation when they see the first sign of a positive test, I see a glimmer of hope.

I then browse over to Countdowntopregnancy.com and start looking at other peoples positive tests. This gets me no where expect down a dark hole of trying to have a baby but nothing seems to be working…

Every month seems to have a different two week wait. The first month was a two week wait with daily, hourly conversations of if I was pregnant or I must be pregnant if… The next month was less talking and more googling… the following months have become more inward prision sessions. The other night I was sitting on the couch when I put my head under the blanket that was around me. After a few minutes Ty asked if I was smelling my own farts… sadly, I was, but I had a secondary mission of trying to sort out the thoughts in my head… As I pulled my head up out of the blanket, I giggled and admitted I was smelling my farts and then became somber again… Ty told me to stop being so in my head. If I could, I would. I rather not be in my head.

In my head I go to a room called “Baby Maybe” where I have baby names, cute announcements picked, how we are going to ask people to be godparents, nursery schemes… everything picked out. I also have a rocking chair where I can emotionally sit and think. As I stare in this room, it gets larger and more emptier as the days go by.

I try my best to be positive but it gets hard when you are waiting for a period to come or not come… and if it does not come, is it because I am pregnant or because my body is playing hide and go seek with me.

 

I took a pregnancy test last night(A real, legit First Response One) and it was negative. I told Tyler and he was sad and told me to wait until I miss my period to test. I told him that I do not feel pregnant and that I know something is wrong. Our 2010 pregnancy was such a fluke… a drunken night of partying with pulling out… If it was so easy then why not now? I dont have a heavy heart after seeing that negative but now my waiting has focused on when my period will start (and if I can drink a glass of wine for our anniversary on the 12th). I have a concern though. So does Ty. He responded that he would go get a Semen Analysis this month, regardless if it is covered by insurance or not. I feel that since we have not been trying for a year that maybe his doctor will shoot that idea down. But i know something is not right. I personally think I ovulate and I have pretty consistent periods but I think there is an egg quality or sperm issue. Maybe I am not hospitable to Tys little guys. I dont know…

 

But once my period does come… maybe in two days… I know I will put on my focused hat and I vow to be a better symptom tracker… timing nag… better wife. I know that Ty and I have been on shaky ground during the month. I know I am inner focused and forget about smiling and enjoying life. I know its taxing on him. I also feel as if I am letting him down. He wants a big family… What if I cant give that to him.

 

I know that we will have a baby some day… maybe not the way I thought we would but someday we will have a child in our life. I need to remember that… I need to see that as a big picture, not just a picture of my fertilityfriend.com chart.

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