Tag Archives: GROSS


10 Feb

EWCM is more like EWWWWWWWWWW what the fuck to my husband and more like OMG YES to me.

Last Saturday I was cleaning my house like I normally do on the weekend. I have OCD or something where I must clean my house on the weekend. During the week does not cut it nor count in my eyes. So I clean on the weekend. Anyway As I cleaned, Ty was screwing around with the house and his brother, Jeff Not the Cat, came over to screw around too. As I was cleaning I got a colon kick and pooped. In the toilet  not where I was cleaning, which if you read that how it is written you may have assumed that. Anyway, The book Taking Charge of your Fertility said its best to check cervical mucus after dropping the kids off at the pool… so I did.

I immediately called Ty into the bedroom. He yelled from the living room “If this is another ‘come look at the cat because it is doing something cute’, Im not coming” and I screamed back, “COME NOW”. So he thinks its an emergency… He comes sliding down the hallway (literally the floor is slippery because of all the wood dust that we are making creating the mudroom and railings) and goes “WHATS WRONG”.

I am standing there proudly, pants down… Hand risen in the air as if I was Miss America waving to all her subjects, Thumb and Index finger touching… He looks at me, and I spread those fingers widely and smile. I whispher, “Egg White Cervical Mucus, I am going to ovulate soon and your boys will be happy swimming in it because its PERFECT for spermies. We totally need to do it”. He looks at me and goes “EWWWWWW GROSS, dont touch me with that….”.

I guess he wasn’t as excited as I was.

And maybe I need to pull my pants up because I seem to forget to do that alot when I am in a panic or excited.



Friday, Sept 22, Saturday, Sept. 23 & Sunday Sept 24, 2017

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