Cycle Day 6 ClearBlue Easy Monitor 1 Mariann 0

21 Jan

Today is Cycle Day 6 for me and that means I had to pee on a stick and insert it into the monitor today for the first time. Apparently the first month you use the monitor it will ask you to start testing on Cycle Day 6 and then you will test the next 10 to 20 days. Once the monitor learns your cycle then you may be asked to start testing later on in your cycle, like cycle day 9 which would be ideal for me. I wish there was an override button because I would be like “Monitor, I ovulate later, lets not waste these sticks and call it a day”. But you cant.


I decided not to temp during my period because it is messy and a hassle and I needed a break from TTC. So I thought that on Cycle Day 6 (which is a VERY light day for my period) I would temp and use the monitor. I thought about using the monitor for the first time all weekend. I was anxious and hopeful and ready to get busy with the pee stick. Unfortunately two things happened… 1. Heartburn unlike any other before started at 1:00am and kept me up pretty much all night. This was a problem because I knew my first temperature of the month would be screwy if I didn’t get at least three hours of sleep.  AND it was screwy, a 98.34 Degrees… I NEVER break 98 until ovulation. I am not discarding it but I made a note indicating NO sleep.


So after taking my temperature I got up to pee. I was so thankful that I could actually pee because I worried all night that I wouldn’t be able to pee. If I couldnt pee at home I would have to take the monitor to the office and try to conceal a thing that looks like a rather large kidney bean, it would have been a joke and this is where Issue number Two happened. I pee on the stick and try to put it into the monitor slot and its not working. I panic, I stand up from the toilet  pants and panties down and shuffle over to my closet where I have the instruction booklet and I read:


Performing a Test
When your Monitor asks you to perform a test, you remove a Test Stick from its protective wrapper and use it immediately. You take a sample of your urine by holding the Sampling End of the Test Stick pointing downwards in your urine stream for 3 seconds only. Alternatively, you can collect a sample in a clean, dry container and hold the Sampling End in the urine for 15 seconds. It’s important to use the first urine after you wake up, as this contains the highest concentration of hormones.

Next, keeping the Test Stick pointing downwards, you take the cap off the handle and place it over the ‘wet’ end of the Test Stick. You are now ready to insert the Test Stick in the Test Stick Slot of the Monitor as shown in the in-pack Instruction Booklet.

When you have inserted the Test Stick correctly, the Test Stick Symbol will flash for approximately 5 minutes while the Monitor reads and interprets the information from your Test Stick. After approximately 5 minutes, the Monitor will ask you to remove the Test Stick, which you can throw away. The Monitor will now display your fertile status.


I skip over a very important part…. YOU TAKE THE CAP OFF THE HANDLE AND PLACE IT OVER THE “WET” END OF THE TEST STICK”. Nope, didn’t see that part, didn’t read it, I swear it did not exist.


So I am trying to stick the wet part in… its blinking red at me… the monitor turns off. I panic some more because I am afraid air hitting the urine is going to fuck up the test. I wonder if the test turns off does it go to the next day and then how do i reset it to the day before?!?!? Did I break the $200 monitor. Shit shit shit.


We have guests over so I am trying to be quiet. I am shuffling around with my pants and panties around my ankles. I start to whisper “Tyler, Ty, TYLER, TY” but he doesnt answer. I ditch the pants and hope that the bedroom door is not wide open and that our company does not happens to be taking a pee break and sees me pantsless, holding a what looks like to be extra super large kidney bean shaped thing while waving around a stick. I jump into the bed and go “Ty, wake up, turn on the light, I need help, like right now, this is important” Ty springs up and turns on the light and looks at my lovely vagina staring at him as I am frantically trying to wave my monitor and pee stick in his face saying “Its not working, it doesnt fit, did I buy the wrong sticks!” Ty gently takes the pee stick, takes the cap off the one end, puts it on the other enter and gingerly fits it into the monitor. He smiles and then puts my boob back into my v-neck shirt that came out during this ordeal.


I walk into the bathroom, turn on the shower… and life goes back to normal.


Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor 1, Mariann 0… Til we test again Monitor, Until we test again!


5 Responses to “Cycle Day 6 ClearBlue Easy Monitor 1 Mariann 0”

  1. Kim January 21, 2013 at 1:20 pm #

    Ty is so sweet. Enjoy your company and make the best of many laughs and good times together.

  2. fromheretomotherhood January 21, 2013 at 3:18 pm #

    Ty sounds like a very good sport. J would be started awake asking what’s wrong, take a few minutes to figure out what the hell I was talking about, and then be annoyed because a) he would say he had no clue (probably without trying) and b) because I had woke him up (fair enough, I despise being woken up). You definitely provide the comic relief Mariann!

    • maretilton January 21, 2013 at 3:32 pm #

      Seriously, you cant make this shit up. I wish it was but this is our lives boobies out, pants down, pee stick and all!

  3. thebabymakingblog January 21, 2013 at 4:28 pm #

    awwww, i thought i broke the monitor the first time i used it as well. it becomes second nature very quickly – you’ll pretty much be able to do it without even fully waking up soon!

    • maretilton January 22, 2013 at 9:56 am #

      Did you get an odd reading the second day? It is saying I am at high fertility and I am prettttyyyyy sure that is not the case. I did read that sometimes people will get 5 to 10 days of high fertility the first month until it learns you but I was wondering what your experience was.

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