A DOH! Moment in the History of TTC

4 Dec

*all names have been changed to protect the parties involved*

This couple has been trying to have a child for a few months although if you ask them it seems like FOREVER. The women, Mia, has been charting her temperature and using Ovulation Predictor Kits and is diligent about making sure sex happens during the week of ovulation. Ted, Mia’s spouse, obliges to the daily intercourse during ovulation week. Ted is a very supportive partner in their journey for the most part. Sometimes he is silly or just plain stupid but he means well. Mia is an oversensitive perfectionist that wanted a baby about two years ago but as most yuppies that plan out their lives realize, things dont always happen according to plan.

This past cycle Mia felt very horny and her OPK was ALMOST positive. On her way home from work she stopped at the grocery story for dinner and texted Ted “Be ready when I get home, its almost go time”. Mia comes in the house and goes to her bedroom since Ted was no where to be found. Ted was laying in bed, candles lit, freshly shower, waiting for Mia. Mia peed (as she often needs to do as soon as she gets home since she drinks alot of water, has a long commute, and does not want to have to get up and pee right after sex in fear of Ted’s boys escaping) and then hops into bed. Ted and Mia live in a cold part of the country so Mia’s Hands were frigid. Ted asked before Mia touched him to warm up her hands. So they laid there, warming up Mia’s hands for awhile and then they started to get frisky.

After about 5 minutes with no clear response from Ted, if you get Mia’s drift, Mia asked if everything was okay… Mia was feeling unsexy, confused and off put because normally she can look at Ted and Ted is excited. Ted said her hands were still really cold and it was making it difficult for him to concentrate. Mia started blowing into her hands in hopes of warming them up and then they tried again.

Nothing. Ted does not have erectile dysfunction and he is alittle too young for it to start without a good trigger for it to not occur. Mia was at a loss. Mia asked again, what was wrong. Ted said again it was how cold her hands were. Mia was disappointed and cursed her forever cold hands and feet and apologized to Ted. Ted then broke.

He put his head down in shame and said there was something he needed to tell her. Mia has no idea what Ted could have to say. Ted then told Mia, that once he got her text saying “be ready” Ted thought he would BE READY. He decided to watch some porn and then found himself on the edge… he might have tipped over the edge a bit actually but refrained from going all the way over the edge. Ted then said he thought he broke his peen because now he couldnt get excited. Mia looked at him… wanted to crack up in his face thinking he was joking but then realized he wasnt. Even though it was still pretty funny to Mia, Mia was slightly upset. Mia was slight upset because all Ted needs to do is make sure he eats properly, reduces caffeine and alcohol intake the week of ovulation, take his daily vitamins and show up while Mia on the other hand needs to eat properly, cut out all caffeine and alcohol intake, take daily vitamins along with TCM pills given to her by her acupuncturist as well as other supplements, pee on sticks daily, take her temperature vaginally daily, refrain from hard to digest foods (she loves Cheeses and Carbs as well as Salads but all her veggies must be cooked now) and then monthly wait to see if she is pregnant or not and deal with tampons and pads.

Mia gets upset and puts her face in the pillow trying to stop herself from laughing and clawing his eyes out all at the same time. All Ted needed to do was jizz in her, really… she didnt care how that happened but if they both enjoyed it then AWESOME. This making a baby stuff as the ovulation week goes by gets alittle tedious if you know what she means. She suggest they go eat dinner and try again after dinner. Ted was embarrassed and was beating himself up. He beats himself up all during dinner making him super annoying to Mia. Mia tells Ted it is okay and that things happen and that she knows he meant well but it was pretty stupid. After dinner is over Ted and Mia try again.

Nothing. Ted is not even rousing. Mia pulls out all the stops, she is going through her Rolodex in her head of Cosmo suggested tricks. She sticks her ass in his face (Mia’s Ass is amazing, you could bounce quarters off of it… seriously, just saying) hoping to get some sort of response but nothing. Mia puts her boobies in his face, shakes around, nothing. So then Mia goes down on him… even though Mia has read and been told that Saliva can inhibit Sperms ability to move and get wear it needs to go. FINALLY Ted is awake.

Ted and Mia do the deed and rest as they have been told by Scooter, Mias Acupuncturist.

Ted promised Mia that he would never “Be Ready” like that ever again and said he was sorry. He also told Mia that he understands how much she is doing Trying to get pregnant and that Ted really only has to do a couple things and Being Ready is never an issue so he was not sure why he thought it would be super awesome for Mia to be able to get home and hop on his dick and twirl around.

Ted and Mia are now waiting to see what happens… Best of luck to Ted and Mia… šŸ™‚

I know we have all had moments when our partners have had a DOH moment… Trying to have a baby is not roses and sunshine… often it is filled with rainy days but as long as we can laugh at these moments, Like Ted and Mia will one day (Mia is still alittle confused on why Ted thought this was a brilliant idea in the first place), I think we will all stay sane šŸ™‚


*Again, all names have been changed to protect the people involved*


2 Responses to “A DOH! Moment in the History of TTC”

  1. fromheretomotherhood December 4, 2012 at 10:52 am #


  2. SM December 5, 2012 at 12:55 am #

    Silly men! Always trying to “help”!

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