Self Doubt

2 Nov

So I am at 6-8 days past ovulation, if I ovulated on Friday/Saturday. I was SUPER constipated back in 2010 and I am pooping like a dude right now (that is a thing, dudes poop like every day some are even on a schedule to the minute), every 24 or less hours and they are POOPS not even nuggets.

Which is of course good on one hand. It means that my liver is functioning and the rest of my body is flushing out the waste. But… I am getting alittle doubtful about being pregnant this month. I really think that we hit the mark so if we are not pregnant this month it could be a sperm count issue, an egg issue or any other issue you can imagine googling.

I signed up for a 90 membership to Fertility Friend and played around with that for awhile. I dont know if I learned anything from it but it was $15.95 so I figured water under the bridge in terms of how much I have spent on TTC (ALOT).

While I understand that what is meant to be, will be and I have no control over it.. its super frustrating as most people who read this blog know. Its frustrating because if I am to get my period, that is fine. I am happy because at least I know, new cycle, new time to try. But if my period is going to be all wonky (I love that word) like last month, UGH, I wont be able to deal. Of course I will deal but it will be torture.
For the last two days I have been Gasy (which I normally am right before my period, like two days before). Had twinges of Pain in my stomach and lower Ab area and I have been REALLY wet. Sorry people, Documenting the journey and putting it all out there. Last night it felt like my body hit a brick wall, I felt whoosy and then tired. I have been sleeping really well expect for a pain in my shoulder…

WHICH apparently is a dislocated shoulder per my family doctor who I saw yesterday. I went in for a routine physical. My temperature was 99.8 around 4pm yesterday, I dont know if that is a good thing or not… I have been hovering around 98.9 for the last three days which is kind of high for me because most times I have gotten my temperature taken at the doctors its super low, Like 96.8… but ever since seeing Scott, I have been around the 97.8 degree mark. Of course, after ovulation last month I was hovering around 98.3. I dont know what that means but Ill go with it. After the temperature taking my doctor did a full physical and he said the following

 

  1. He does not believe that my breast lump is anything to worry about
  2. I have to get some moles removed because he doesnt feel great about them but does not see them as cancerous. He wants to get a jump on them.
  3. I am too thin… even though I have gained wait since my last weigh in.
  4. He ordered blood work for my Cholesterol (which has never been high but he said since I am in my 30s its time to start monitoring it) as well as to see if I got a Rubella shot since we are trying to get pregnant. He said that some people have gotten skipped on Rubella and wants to be safe.
  5. Trying to get pregnant – he said go on vacation during ovulation and then call him when I get my positive test to thank him. I was like Buddy… it doesnt work that way.
  6. I got a flu shot, I thought I should get one while I was there considering alot of people said they got one while TTC and during their first trimester
  7. My dislocated shoulder, he kept asking if I wanted pain medication because apparently its very painful. I have had a few nights this week where I thought I was going to cry/pass out because my shoulder hurt so much. But I declined. Ill stick with a Tylenol a day if I have to. I am waiting on a phone call from the hospital as to when I have an appointment with the Ortho. I should be prepared for Xrays so we will see how the next week or so shakes out and if I can have Xrays. Otherwise… Ill live with a shitty shoulder.

Tonight I see Scott at 6:00pm, I am hoping he can aid with alittle implanting/sticking but who knows. I have also been reading on aiding implantation and it is really maddening πŸ™‚ So much info, so much hearsay… So I am going to trust Scott and continue with Drinking Warm Fluids, Keeping my Stomach Cover and Warm and eating a varied diet with the Milk Thistle, Zinc and Prenatals. Fingers Crossed.

Period is supposed to start on the 8th which is great and all but that weekend Ty and I are celebrating our 6 month anniversary and booked a hotel room. Looks like we will be using the Softcup if it arrives πŸ™‚ if it doesnt, don’t come a knocking!

I know this post is not interesting. Its just me talking out loud but I hope you all know that it helps me stay sane. Otherwise I feel as if I am going to explode. Also being grateful has helped even though some days its silly stuff (like my Iphone or my new makeup – shallow I know). I also feel as if when I write it, it gets out of my head for a bit because I have put it out there. I dont know if that makes sense.

Ill update everyone on Acupuncture tomorrow πŸ™‚ And will continue to wait

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2 Responses to “Self Doubt”

  1. nobodysperfick November 2, 2012 at 1:19 pm #

    I am going to have to use the phrase “pooping like a dude” sometime.

    • maretilton November 2, 2012 at 2:08 pm #

      Its really the only way to describe it. Seriously. Its like Massive daily poops. I am surprising myself. And secretly patting myself on the back for making it πŸ™‚ TMI I know but its new for me… I am a nugget girl for life… but I guess things are changing!

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