The black hole that is my va-jayjay

24 Oct

It’s Go Time this week. If my cycle was normal…. I would ovulate on the 25th of this month (also the day that we close on our house, this is the first time in my life that I will be on a Mortgage! Ty bought the house alone in 2009 and now we are refinancing). I am hoping to ovulate on or around then and maybe Acupuncture being on Wednesday this week will just put my body over the edge!

So since its “go week”, Ty and I have been upping the time in the bedroom even though I have had the cold from hell since Friday (Really, I should have gotten my flu shot). Yesterday afternoon we decided to give the Softcup a try. I highly doubt my husband EVER thought that after sex, I would reach for a little purple package, unwrap and then insert right in front of him. He goes “Its like your vagina inhaled that thing!”.

It felt okay once it was in. The first ten minutes felt like alittle pressure, almost like a visit to the OBGyn. After ten minutes, nothing. I wore it for about three hours and then tried to pull it out…


So there I was… in the middle of the bathroom, on the bathroom floor… searching for my softcup. Finally, after about seven minutes of panic. Panic, of trying to explain to the ER why I was there… Panic of trying to tell my husband my I left my couch and drove to FAHC because I couldnt find the thing that my vagina inhaled… LITERALLY INHALED”. Panic of trying to thing, where the hell it could have went. After relaxing for a bit and remembering health class and how the tampon cannot get loss….I found it. And Pulled it out.

EWWWWWWWWW – Ty’s Spermies were totally just sitting right there. I thought about taking a photo for Ty (he was off doing wood) but I gave that a second thought and didn’t want that moment in time memorialized. So I put it aside.

When Ty came home I showed him… And hes like “Bury that in the trash so no one sees it”… And I did.

This morning I put the softcup in again… Everything was great for about an hour and a half and then the Carrie moment happened – SPILLAGE.

I removed it and went along about my day (and then realized I forgot my ovulation kit at home DOH).

So, Do I think that the softcup will help? I have no idea. But its something that at least makes me feel like I am being proactive about. Acupuncture is on Wednesday this week and I am seriously looking forward to it. I am trying to take a more Zen, Calm approach to “go week” this month around. I am trying to remember the idea of movement as well. So I have been making sure to Dance, Do Yoga, and when I lay down at night, I think about breathing from my head to my toes and sending extra energy into my liver. Silly, I know. But it’s keeping me sane.


4 Responses to “The black hole that is my va-jayjay”

  1. fromheretomotherhood October 24, 2012 at 1:50 pm #

    You have me considering a soft cup, if for nothing else than hilarious stories 🙂

  2. fromheretomotherhood October 24, 2012 at 1:51 pm #

    BTW I see you have the current ICLW icon, but I don’t see you on the list???

    • maretilton October 24, 2012 at 2:40 pm #

      Hilarious story number 5,395- I spoke with a girl today about converting to the cup and she was worried about the mess. I Think she jinxed me because I went to take my cup up and as soon as I reached into the black hole, I knew… And it dumped into my hand and potty… Fun fact – Semen, after being in someones body for a couple of hours, has a totally different texture than it does if it oozes out after alittle rumble in the bed.

      Oh well right?! I highly recommend the cup though. Its amazing!

      And for the ICLW – I didnt make this month, hopefully next month but I think its awesome to link people to other blogs and that is an easy way to do it 🙂

  3. Mrs. Wuestewald October 24, 2012 at 3:05 pm #

    Too funny, all because i can see the same thing happening to us! I like that you have two major things happening on the same day, i find it to be good luck (not sure why but just do). I think we should all start the trying to conceive comedy tour it could be like the Virgina monologs. The funny things that happen that we blog about or keep between our partners!. Good luck this cycle!

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