Keep Calm and Ovulate Already!

14 Sep

The beginning of each month I am fine. I get my period, I let things flow (haha pun intended) and start the cycle all over again. Things are great, I am no longer in my head wondering if this is my month to get pregnant, if I ovulated… if I need to pee on anything… Its just chill. I start to work out harder, I have a glass of wine… I just am the old me…

But once the middle of the month comes, around the 12th to the 19th… its TORTURE. I want to pull my hair out.  I am looking for ways to literally take all of Tyler’s Sperm and just carry it with me and inject myself every hour. Seriously, I have thought about this but have not brought this up to Tyler because I think he would divorce me. But Ladies, if there is a way let me know…

Can I just carry a cup each morning and a turkey baster? Would my coworkers think I am nuts? I dont think its social acceptable.

I also thought about using my vacation time when I get a positive ovulation test… and just locking myself and Ty in a room and going for it. Mind you this is Tys busy time so that would never fly and really, this is not feasible.

OR could Ty and I have alittle alone time and then put one of those cups up in there and just force the spermies to hang out for awhile, make themselves at home, feel free to give themselves a tour… Meet a lovely Egg… mingle a bit?

Dont even get me started about the end of the month. I cannot even stand myself. I am a crazy person. I think any pain in a sign of implantation. I think I am going to get my period at any moment. I analyze each and everything thing that is different in my body. I am literally addicted to peeing on sticks.

I never, in a million years, would I have thought that I would want each day to just hurry up and get done with. Then I get my period and I relax, at least I know that I am not pregnant.

Who knew a 24 hour period could seem so long when most of the time there are not enough hours in the day.

Who is this crazy cat lady? Where did the semi normal, I make up stories about my cats and have conversations with them, lady go? God help us all if and when I become pregnant. Seriously.

* Side note: Jeff is a clothing designer (maybe you have heard of him, Geoffrey Beane) and he is also a real estate tycoon (he prefers Lofts located in the Tyler Closet District and Flats in the Mariann Closet borough). Pepper is a princess – she perfers not to lift any paws and believes she should be treated like royalty… Chasing a mouse is below her and she sends her minion to do that for her (Jeff).  Did you know that I was this crazy? Cause I am…


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