80s Bush Porn – Yes, I have a story for Everything

6 Sep

So this post is about 80s bush porn and just porn in general. Let’s tackle the bush first.

 

When Ty and I first starting living together we lived in an apartment with another roommate, Michele. Ty had a mancave. This was where he played Halo with the boys, we held parties, he had a little office and the like. This is also where the cats litter box was as well as the washer and dryer.

 

One day I was on Tys computer down in the man cave. I think I was looking for songs to play as I cleaned, I cant remember but I stumbled onto his porn collection.

Now we all have a collection, whether physical, online whatever it be – in one way shape or form.I wont deny it. You shouldnt either. Be proud and be sexual, we all are.  Anyway… side story:

 

I knew a guy that labeled his porn collection (as well as his collection of past girlfriends naked photos) “Tax Documents”. My Roommate and I actually found this one night and deleted it from that ex’s computer (He was dating my roommate at the time, he didnt need to have his ex-girlfriends on display). Actually this same boy about four years later took my roommate out (at this point they were just friends). They took some photos with his camera and she wanted to make sure that she got them for her photo album. Said guy gives her that camera and forgets that that SD card literally had EVERY single naked photo he has probably ever gotten from a girl on it. Sad thing was WE KNEW SOME OF THE GIRLS!. Actually one girl made several videos that were like strip teases but she didnt turn off her TV in the background. So This girl is doing a strip tease with final Jeopardy in the background as well as the opening to some CSI. It was a mess. Come on people, lets be classy with our videos. Lets put effort if we are going to put out. We never told him that we looked at them, several times.

 

Back to the porn, so I see Ty’s Porn collection and I start clicking through it (and seriously, I was not snooping. I tell Ty when I snoop and normally do it right in front of him). One of the videos was this horrible 80s bush porn. It was of poor quality and just a lot of jungle going on. It didnt match any of the other videos… so I asked him… what was up with that. He said that he downloaded it in college. You know, when downloading took about 3 hours for 30 seconds and you could not see the video before hand. So if you downloaded, lets say the N*Sync No Strings Attached Album, you needed to go to sleep and wake up HOPING that all the songs successfully downloaded. As well as the Bye Bye Bye Video… and the BSB album… And Britney. Not that I ever did that. Anyway so Ty said he felt bad that it took him so long to download and he was so looking forward to it that he couldn’t just delete it… even though he never watched it. I believed him on the never watching it… it was poorly filmed and just alot of hair, you couldn’t see what was going on.

 

I think that computer is sitting somewhere down in our basement. 80s bush lady should be on it somewhere… hopefully she is not lurking on his new computer.

 

Now since I exposed Ty – Ill expose myself. Not Literally. I like to watch porn. I usually like lesbian porn because I really do not need to watch some fat slob pound some overly made up woman with huge tits that are smacking her in the face. And if its not a fat slob its a guy that is so jacked that his veins on his peen scare me. So I usually go for the “female friendly”  videos. I watch them without Ty while he was working on Saturdays… A girl gets bored. Anyway so I would watch and then delete the browsing history. A few times, I left the little windows 7 “browser history has been deleted” bar up and Ty knew I was up to something. He also knew I was up to something because his banking cookies and our Hulu username and password had to be re-entered. That really annoyed Ty. Ty also gets annoyed when I put the silverware pointing downwards in the dishwasher. Its the little things really. Ty finally showed me Private Browsing on Firefox. GENIUS IDEA. Its amazing. So I private browse, close the window… no one is none the wiser.

Maybe, just maybe, on our one year wedding anniversary, I will break out the 80s bush porn just for a laugh 🙂

 

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One Response to “80s Bush Porn – Yes, I have a story for Everything”

  1. Tom September 7, 2012 at 9:56 am #

    Ahhh, too funny! I got worried when you mentioned Michele and pictures…love your blog

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