Fear and Loathing in Trying to Concieve Land

25 Aug

The fear of not knowing if I will have another ectopic pregnancy is eating away at me. Most women have a 50 – 80% chance of having a normal pregnancy after experiencing an Ectopic pregnancy… the risk of having another one is now 10%. Even though those odds are not terribly bad, I am still scared. If this happens again, I then have a 40% chance of having another ectopic pregnancy.


Scared out of my mind.

Scared shitless.

I wish I didnt. I wish that I didnt have this fear, stress over my head. I know my pregnancy was not horrible, it was caught very early and treated with Methotrexate. I was lucky. Sometimes people lose a fallopian tube and they do go on to have healthy pregnancies later in life. Some people have pain, I did not. It was quickly diagnosed and dealt with.


But what if it happens again?


There is nothing  I can do to prevent it either. It’s a waiting game. I get a positive result and I have to get a blood test and then probably several more to see if my hcg levels are increasing properly. If they dont… well its time to start the process over again. And the worst thing is, After my levels go down to zero, its suggested to wait 3 months before trying again because of the medication that is in my system. Shits fucked up.


I also dont know why I was ectopic. I have never had an STD, I do not have pelvic inflammatory disease (not that I am aware of? Shit, great another thing to worry about)  and I do not have Endometriosis . It just happened. The sperm partied with the egg in the wrong spot.


I feel like a failure. How could my body have betrayed me back in 2010? I had no symptoms, just the bleeding that started and then slight pain but not horrible pain. How will I know this time again, any time something aches, even if the pregnancy is progressing okay will be red flags. I wont be able to breathe somewhat easy until that baby comes out, then its a whole different set of worries.


Part of me wants to have a pity party. I want to stomp my feet, yell. Bang on some shit. I wish I just knew why and knew the future. But you can’t. You just have to wait. And waiting is starting to make me really stressed.




Here are some random facts about ectopic pregnancies from Ehealthmd.com

Facts About Ectopic Pregnancy

  • The rate of ectopic pregnancy in the United States and worldwide has quadrupled since 1970 and now occurs in almost 2% of all pregnancies. Fortunately, despite the rising incidence of ectopic pregnancy, the death rate from this cause has gone down and is now only four per million pregnancies.
  • The fallopian tubes are the most common site of ectopic pregnancy-95 percent of all ectopic pregnancies occur in this area.
  • Approximately 2 out of 100 pregnancies will result in an ectopic pregnancy.
  • There is no chance of a normal pregnancy or delivery in an ectopic pregnancy.
  • Today, 80 percent of ectopic pregnancies are diagnosed within the first six weeks of pregnancy, before the fallopian tube has ruptured.
  • Women who have had a pelvic infection (such as an STD) or pelvic inflammatory disease are five times more likely to have an ectopic pregnancy.
  • A woman who had a previous ectopic pregnancy is at a 7-15 percent risk of one happening again.
  • More than 40 percent of women who had a fallopian tube removed during treatment for an ectopic pregnancy go on to have a normal pregnancy.
  • Of all women who get ectopic pregnancies, 50% have problems with their fallopian tubes. This leaves 50% of cases in which no tubal disease is present and where the cause is unknown.
  • The risk of ectopic pregnancy is highest in women over 35 years of age.



One Response to “Fear and Loathing in Trying to Concieve Land”

  1. justamassachusettsgirl August 25, 2012 at 3:47 pm #

    I understand the whole “feeling like a failure” thing. After 2 years and six rounds of medicated fertility treatments we decided this morning to go on an indefinite hiatus from trying. It’s just too hard. Too much disappointment to handle over and over. I’ll probably stop reading for a while till I get my head on straight but I really wish the best for you and will pray that you have better luck than I did. Keep positive.
    – Donna

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