Seriously People, I am just Bloated!

20 Aug

A total of five people have asked me if I was pregnant in the last two days… Why?

1. I was drinking water at a family gathering – Now Granted, I usually drink it up. I started Easter Brunch Mimosa’s. I love my wine. It’s 9am on a weekend, I usually have Baileys In my coffee. I have danced on bars. I have done body shots. I have provided the body for shots. Anyway,I have been slowly lessening my alcohol intake ever since the wedding. Not just because I want to have a baby but because I am seriously too old for Hangovers and It seems like I can have one beer and I am hungover. So I have been the DD for events – I have drank Seltzer as we have had a house party… Its not a big deal. I actually really do love being sober. I do love being drunk though, but Drunk like Lil John dance party drunk in college, and that’s hard to come by when you are in your 30s.

2. I have given up the caffeine. I did have a latte on Sunday because I do really love my coffee but I have switched to Decaf at the office. We have morning coffee around our table and people have noticed. I have shared my caffeine woes with a coworker but I know she isn’t shouting out my denouncement of caffeine from the roof top or let alone sent out a mass email about it.  I actually do feel better not having three cups of coffee a day. No Slump. No hand jitters. Its better… Also I do like tea 🙂 And yes, I am aware Tea can have as much caffeine as a cup of coffee… And yes I am aware that Herbal Tea is not recommended during pregnancy because its unregulated.

3. My pants are fitting alittle bit tighter. Sue me, I Bloat. I have been bloated for the past few days. Literally last night I went to pee and I swear I had one little fart that lasted about 8 seconds but made my tummy so much better. I think it lessened my air pressure by like 20psi. It may be from Salt. We had Guacamole and Chips on Saturday so I think that was the issue. The Kitty below… is how I felt at the BBQ last night. Bloated, Hunched over… and just so not attractive.

4. I have been sick. I have had a sore throat over the last week with low energy and a cough. I look alittle rundown and frankly It was hard to get through even a 20 minute yoga session without closing my eyes during downward dog and losing my balance. Now Ty asked me how I was feeling a few times during the evening last time and people picked up on it.

So there are 4 very good reasons to assume I may be pregnant. Also, we are newlyweds and we are supposed to be having a good old time in the bedroom. Also, most people know I want kids.  I literally meet people and say I am Mariann, I want babies, nice to meet you.

But just because there are 4 very good reasons to assume I am pregnant, it does not give you the right to ask me if I am. I will tell you when I am pregnant when I am ready. We lost a baby once. I am going to be damn sure that the kid is good to go before I announce it.The kid may be coming out of my vagina and then I will call people and say I am pregnant. It may be six months before I say I am pregnant and just creatively place handbags, books and tables around my midsection while I am wearing Billowy loose fitting tops.

I am not going through that embarrassment/failure/explaining why I am not pregnant again. Its not an option.

Last night on the way home I told Tyler I wanted to wait til at least two months before we tell his parents because I know the entire womenfolk in his family will know within 5 minutes of us saying it. He was okay with it but didn’t understand why we needed to discuss it. He said that I have planned out every step of the pregnancy and I tried to explain to Ty that I felt like we had to because we handled it so poorly last time. He understands that but sees the positive and just wants to let things happen.

Well, unfortunately, things don’t just happen right now. We are peeing on tests, bicycling after sex, trying to see my tilt of my cervix… its not just like we are easy breezy over here and one day going to go

I just don’t want a fiasco like last time. I also don’t want people prying. I was taught that you should never ask if someone was pregnant, what their religion was, how much they made, or who they were voting for… or their weight/age. Its just not good conversation.

While I am happy that people feel like they can approach me and be so open with me, I will tell you when I am ready. I may be an open book but I turn the pages when I am ready. It is my book.

I will write a more positive post tomorrow. Let’s all try to be thankful for all the wonderful in our lives. Until then Love & Laughter & Farts 🙂


6 Responses to “Seriously People, I am just Bloated!”

  1. Mrs. S August 20, 2012 at 2:48 pm #

    I don’t understand why anyone would ask anyone if they are pregnant. Even if someone was my best friend and I was suspicious I would probably hold off until they told me. It should be an unspoken rule, at least amongst women.

    • maretilton August 20, 2012 at 3:15 pm #


      I thought I was being extra sensitive (as I tent to be) but really… its rude to ask. Its like asking someone when they are due and they are literally just packing on the pounds in their tummy.

      I know his family wants us to be pregnant so they show their Enthusiasm by poking and prodding but really, enough people.

      • Mrs. S August 20, 2012 at 3:24 pm #

        No, you’re not being oversensitive at all. People just need to learn boundaries.

  2. Kathryn August 20, 2012 at 2:50 pm #

    hope you feel better soon. Ugh I hate when people ask “are you pregnant,” I am terrified NOT to have a drink at a party! And you are right, it’s such an invasive question!

    • maretilton August 20, 2012 at 3:12 pm #

      I felt that way last month. We ended up tying up with a coworker on our boat. I was not planning on drinking but since everyone else was and I could tell my coworker was looking at me as if she was waiting to ask (same women who actually asked today) so I cracked open a beer.

      Its really funny though, two weekends ago we had a huge party at our house. Not one person asked, not one person commented on things… No one cared. IT WAS NICE.

      Funny how you must drink in order to be social.

    • maretilton August 20, 2012 at 3:13 pm #

      Also – That cat is awesome.

      Cheers to us (Seltzer Water Cheers, my favorite is Georgia Peach by the way) for being fat and happy.

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