The green eyed monster

17 Aug

I am sitting in the waiting room for my annual. And there are about three pregnant women here, one pregnant couple. I want to throw a magazine at each and every one of them.

Now granted I do not know their stories. Nor do they deserve a magazine to the head but I can’t help but to be jealous.

Pregnancy comes easy to some people. It’s hard for others. I wish I was in the first category. I hate this waiting and not knowing. I hate testing. I hate charting. Why couldn’t things just magically happen correctly?

I dream about the day we have a positive pregnancy test and then confirmation via blood test that things are okay. I think about how long one
Month seems when you are waiting for a surprise that you shouldn’t expect but still hope for. I wait unable to breathe when I take a pregnancy test just to see positive. I say a prayer nightly. Hug my
Tummy as if that will magically make a home for my child.

I’m in a jealous mood today. Maybe it’s because I am under the weather or maybe it’s because calendar says I should be ovulating and the ovulation pee stick says other. Maybe it’s just because I am too super focused. But I’m jealous and I will try not to lose grip on my glamour mag and accidentally hit the pregnant women sitting among me.

Great. Two more have walked in since I have started this post. I may cry.


3 Responses to “The green eyed monster”

  1. Kathryn August 17, 2012 at 12:19 pm #

    I’m sorry 😦 I hate feeling envious too, but it just happens. It sucks that some of us have to go through so much work for something others get so easily. I hope you feel more positive soon!

  2. calmbabyblog August 17, 2012 at 12:51 pm #

    OMG, It must be one of those. I just wrote about this. Feeling numb asking when it will be my turn?

  3. Katie C August 22, 2012 at 6:19 pm #

    It might have been years ago, but I soooo remember this feeling.

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